It wouldn't be fair if I couldn't play on Wilde's play by the same name or my version of it: The Importance of Being Stirling.
I have said this before and before and before, if there is one player who is overvalued, overappreciated, and more prone to injury than any other present international, it is the one and only Stirling Mortlock of Australia and the resurgent Wallabys
If he had been the real thing, his parents would have named him Sterling 925 Sterling Silver.
But the Mortlock whop everybody loves but me is more like fool's gold.
Is he God's gift to the Wallabys as Captain? Not in my book.
Yes, he did score a fine try last week. It has been done before by others. Let's not go overboard.
But there is a rub.
The match is already too close for comfort.
And then there is Burgess, much to my dismay.
The loss of Mortlock as a leader might be the rub afterall.
Gitaeu doesn't have the personality. Barnes is a greenhorn as are Ashley-Cooper, Hynes, and well, that leaves us with Tuquiri. In other words there isn't much glue to hold the planking together, is there?
To win the Wallabys need to gell. Losing Mortlock is a big blow considering his replacement.
Don't get me wrong.
Ryan Cross may, indeed, be the man, the glue, the avenging angel, the corny old 'cometh the hour, cometh the man'
At this moment, I put my faith in Deans. This is a big ask because it is a big ass match.
If he picks Cross to replace Mortlock, I am 100 percent behind him.
Of course, tomorrow I might mix and match but to be perfectly honest, at the end of a long day,
Stirling Mortlock, might be that imperceptible dimension, that innocuous phenomenon, that abstract light fandango that might be needed on the day.
I hope not.
I hope that Ryan Cross surpasses his wildest expectation and puts Stirling Mortlock out of his misery once and mine once and for all.
It's the stuff dreams are made of.

Saturday's match between the All Blacks and the Wallabys in Sydney has me drooling for a number of reasons.
The All Blacks are without a shadow of a doubt the best all around footballers in the world.
The Wallabys are without peers in the athletic department.
Who will win?
In my mind there is not much more than a whiter shade of pale between the two.
What will be the difference?
I don't think the outcome will have much to do with the style of rugby.
That is a crap shoot.
The match must be decided by DISCIPLINE.
Discipline is a huge rugby word in universal rugby terminology.
But whjat is discipline.
According to Webster, discipline is ' the training of mind and character, a branch of learning, a mode of life in accordance with rules, control, order, obedience to rules, a system of practical rules for the members of an order, punishment,esp. mortification of the flesh by way of penance.'

What is needed is a Sergeant Major. Whom will that man be?
Deans or Henry? Perhaps. I don't have an answer now and probably won't have one until after the match when I will see what happened with more clarity.

I sum this up by rehashing a famous dialogue between England Prime Minister Disraeli and a member of Parliament.
'Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.'
'That depends, Sir,' said Disraeli, 'whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.'

Policies, that is a most interesting word.

It's a film. It's a Batman film starring Christian Bale(Welsh actor) as Batman and the late Heath Ledger(Australian actor) as The Joker but it could easily be construed into a rugby theme.
In a perverse way, which is why the film is topical, mucho moneymaking, and brilliant( Ledger and computer graphics), the 3N comes to mind.
All the ingredients are in place.
We can utilize The Dark Night as the New Zealand All Blacks.
Certainly The Joker could be appealing as the Australian Wallabys.
And the inspirational and fanciful Dark Joker could metaphorically represent the South African Springboks.
Gotham City could be any venue in the 2008 3N.
Or it could be the comic book status(Toulon owner) of the IRB and the RFU stance on the endorsement of the ELVs at the expense of the game.

I need to pick up my daughter at the airport so I have to pick this up at a more inspirational moment in time. As usual, it is not well thought out....just pure stream of consciousness.

One more thing, you just gotta love Michael Caine. See the beginning of The Prestige or listen to his Burmese story in The Dark Knight.

Who you like to be coached by and who would you like to coach your team?
It is a fair and a tough question. In my case it is particularly daunting because I don't know any of the three personally.
I do have friends who do, so I will make my analysis through my diciphering and consolidation of their thoughts.
Most of the young eyes are on Deans because he is the youngest, and , of course, closest to the players in terms of age.
He knows how to fiddle with the computer, participates in other active sports, and knows and understands the new game. But the most important aspect of his coaching is his connection with the players. He is one of them and not one of them, both at the same time.
Henry, of course, is completely the opposite. He is olde school New Zealand rugby, which is why he is there to begin with. He isn't going to tinker with it if ain't broke, not because he doesn't want, but because the big cheeses in the NZFRU don't want him to anthing more than what they tell him to do. He is all about rugby. He understands what is going on but cannot make the transition to anything new yet. He is moving along too slowly because he is not quite sure what the old camp is without some the most merit still. Afterall, he is a teacher or headmaster.
He likes rugby and rugby and rugby. He is the quintessential rugbyman. Graham Henry is the type of man I would not like at all and he would not like me at all.

De Villiers presents the strangest case because he so different yet the same as all the others.
He isn't going to be put down lighly and is overly conscious of that. But the general public find him to be a friendly if serious soul. He knows the new rugby. He doesn't know it like Deans or Henry but he knows stuff those two don't. I would say he is more of a technical geek than the other two, playing and studying all these statistics, analyzing them, and convincing himself that these figures are more important than anything else.
De Villers is a character who is going to grow into his role. Secretly there are those who wish he wasn't there and will do their best to undermine him. But there are others who truly want the sport to succeed in the country and could give a hoot about who leads it. He is still a crybaby because he is competitive and knows that the eyes of the world are upon him. We may here him say some things that we don't like but ,at the end of the day, Pieter de Villiers will walk away from the game of rugby in South Africa with what he came into it with. Only one thing will change.
He will leave with the respect of his countryman and the world of rugby too.

In reality, if given the chance, I wouldn't want to be friends with any of them. I wouldn't probably want to have a beer with them. None of them are my style. But that's not a bad thing!

Few words, the best team won. Smart over strong...classic example of how South African rugby loses!!!!

It's anyone's game that's what the commentator just said and I agree.
The Springboks have looked the more dangerous and have mucked up more than a few big time breaks.
On the other hand, slow ball, erratic ball, poor ball from Luke Burgess has caused mild panic attacks .
When the ball does come out cleanly the Springboks somehow have managed to slow or kill he ball and this ball has made Burgess look like undercooked.
The scrums and the lineouts have been a bit of a wash unbeleiveably.
The turnover ratio at the breakdown has been all Wallaby but the sledge hammer effect of the Springboks has been heard throughout the world.
The Boks seem to gell while the Wallabys don't appear to click as well as their opponents.
I still believe the undulating defense of the Springboks allows space but as of yet the Wallabys have not been able to break it.
The one try by the Wallabys was a beauty.
Berrick Barnes has been a sight to behold with his quick hands and his hard defense,
George Smith the best egg basket thief on the grounds and , as usual, Schalk Burger running around with no concern for his body nor anybody's else.
It's anybody's match right now with the Wallabys even poaching a Springbok lineout and thus far held up in the scrummage.
I am not encouraged but still a bit despondent; these de Villiers breaks have been a heartbeat a way from trys......two or three.
Schalk Britts has filled in very easily with great all around play.
Back at the conclusion of what I would term a match teetering one way or the other.

the Springboks all were there. watching the athletic Wallabys styling their new posh hair.
When the voice of Pieter de Villiers, came echoing down the halls , asking what would the Boks like for Christmas, the South Africans all said ,"Balls'!!!!

I once went to Montana and saw the battle site of the Battle of the Little Bighorn or Custer's Last Stand.
It was easy to see that General Custer was a brave but stupid man and, give him credit, a big American hero.
This is the way it laid out. He had this big big backup force a day behind him.
He had roughly 660 troopers who were mostly expats from Ireland or expats from Italy and Garibaldi.
In other words, it would have been difficult to understand then now and then.
Down below him were the congregation of the American Indians, a lotta tribes and a lotta Indians, with guns too.
Now George Armstrong Custer was ordered by his commanding officer not to attack.
He sent some ridiculous message by an Italian speaking messenger and the only survivor about 'hurry up, bring packs", lotsa Indians.
He split his forces in an effort to bring the Indians to him. It failed. His decision to divide his Army failed and so did he.
He was wiped out by some furious Indians.
I can only imagine what it was like to experoience that tragedy but , if the South Africans, with all their outrageous confidence, start acting anything like Custer and his troops, the same result might just repeat itself.
Don't annoy a peaceful band of brethren in hopes that you might instigate a reaction.
It might and it might not be all that pleasant.
Oz will stand its ground and if you divide your forces, DeVilliers, your liable to be disgraced.
Legends can be borne from matches like todays.
More from the match.
Stay tuned, Sitting Bull!!!

I am not going to get into any name calling but today but the South African journo today almost bragged how well the Boks had kept Carter in check.
In the first match Carter blew by them like a hot knife through warm butter and the second match he more difficulty, of course, but still hit the gain line every time making two of the backrow or James or de Villiers(not Pieter) join in.
Carter was no victim. He was solid and came through with no injury.
The thing I don't like is when the South Africans beat a team the writeups the following week sound as if the beaten team weas humiliated and the score was huge.
I can see where the Wallabys are the underdogs but I think they have an edge in 'just plain being beaten up'. No team comes away from New Zealand ready to take on the world.
I think they are hurting physically and to come to Perth up and in top physican and mental shape would be a miracle.
The world may not know a lot about the Wallabys now but tomorrow we will know if Giteau and Barnes can play bigger than themselves and , if they manage to pull off a win, what excuses the South Africans will come up? I feel certain that the Springboks will blame their loss on the fact that they didn't visit the Sidney Opera House and see The Phantom of the Opera starring Omar Hasan.That would be like them.

The Springboks have gone from damsels in distress to Her Royal Majesty in seven day's time in would seem.
Two weeks ago when the Springboks lost 19-8 to the All Blacks they were shells of their former selves it was widely publicicized.
The Boks pickoff the All Blacks in the last minute of play and win by two points when they were 20 point underdogs and now they own most of the world's rugby real estate.
Talk all you want about the Deans factor.
It is an unknown quanity and so are the Wallabys.
Expect the unexpected.
The Boks are good no doubt and they will be playing in Little South Africa in Perth but I suspect that the Springboks will not have their way in Australia.
I'll take pure athletes any day against fulltime brutes.
The All Blacks should have beaten the battle hardened Springboks in the House of Pain last weekend but, well, that's why we all love sport.
You take all the tea in China and put in a big old bag for me but I'll take Tupelo honey any day.
I expect the match to be stiff and I'll give the Boks their due in defense but I'll give the grittiest sporting nation in the world better than even odds to break through that watered down paper bag they call defense.
The lineouts will be an even contest and the scrums won't be the pushover the Boks wholeheartedly and arrogantly expect. CJ Van der Linde will be playing most of his forlorn rugby out on the wing where he doesn't belong and the Australian backs will be running around him. The same will be said for Victor Matfield. Hanging out and not doing the hard work will make easy pickings for the Oz backs wjo will use grace and power and just plain smarts to run around not through the South African defense.
It's about time somebody put the quietus on Steyn and Jantes and James and I suspect that Giteau alone will make those three look like factory workers on an assembly line. Without any honest ball, that watertight defense will leak like the sieve that it should have looked like last week.
Deans is on to the rush defense and I suspect that the holes the All Blacks failed to capitalize on , or rather see, will be marked in large letters on the drawing board. "See these large holes, lads. Run through them and score trys."
See here, laddies, this is how games are won by being smarter and bolder. That's two qualities Deans can offer. If he fails to deliver, then he is just an ordinary coach. If not, we got the real thing!
De Villiers will be beating his hands aganst the desk again this week. Unfortunately he will be beating his head too.
Captain KEO will be damn proud of him. THe Bok Braintrust, now that is the final joke in this fellow's really humble opinion.